Do Our Hopes & Dreams Actually Matter?
Lately life feels out of tune. I try to hum along, like I know and love this song, but it all feels a bit off.
I’ve wanted to write to you for weeks now, but the truth is that I haven’t felt very inspired. I’ve been working through some exasperating twists and turns that life has thrown at me while I just have kept asking “WTF?!! WHY?!”
So this morning as I was vomiting my feelings out into my journal (yet again) I realized that maybe I should stop waiting for life to feel great again and for me to feel like the little Energizer Bunny of positivity and creativity to reach out to you again.
Maybe your life is also feeling a little out of tune and it would be more helpful if we both just took a breath together to take stock of where we are and how to do THIS MOMENT (rather than continuing to try to prep for the ideal moments we hope are in the future).
SO… HERE WE ARE.
Let’s take a really good deep breath.
Now, you may be wondering like me, “do I need to untangle this whole crazy mess?! Will I feel better when I’ve conquered all chaos and have restored order in every facet of my life? Maybe I just need to find the right (health, money, relationships, etc.) to feel better and like myself again? Will I finally then be able to do more of what I really want with this one beautiful life?”
As I’ve asked myself these questions (and more), I keep coming back to this…
If there’s a hill I would die on, it’s this one:
OUR DREAMS MATTER.
But do they really?
Like… SERIOUSLY, Quinn?!
You may be looking around your life right now and thinking, “I’m pretty sure that people who’s dreams matter don’t have lives that look like this.”
And I get it. 1000%. More than you know.
If I put “your dreams matter” on a cute little sweatshirt, we might glance quickly at it, get a warm fuzzy feeling, and think, “awww, so sweet. Of course they do!”
Maybe we’d buy it for our kids to wear. Kids need to believe in their dreams, right?
But then in actual everyday adult life our skepticism can grow out of control quickly. In fact, I think really sticking my “our dreams matter” flag into the hill of life could start an outright war.
If our dreams matter, why is there so much poverty, pain, suffering, and injustice in the world?
If our dreams matter, why do I struggle with so much depression and anxiety just to cope with my everyday life?
If our dreams matter, why do things consistently not turn out how I hope or plan?
If our dreams matter, why do all the fun little things I try seem to fail? I can’t put myself out there any more to get my heart broken.
If our dreams matter, why do I feel so alone and unsupported when I try to bring something that matters to me to life?
If our dreams matter, who the heck do they matter to? Aren’t dreams selfish? Aren’t there more important things to focus on?
These are excellent questions. Philosophically getting stuck here and deciding “huh… I guess our dreams really don’t matter” creates so much pain, suffering, confusion, overwhelm, lack of healthy boundaries, stuck-ness, and despair in our lives (ask me how I know).
And from my vantage point of really studying and working with these concepts for the past 40 years, I don’t see how we can actually fix problems in the world and make it better when we believe that our dreams don’t matter.
Why Our Dreams Matter
Truly. They do. This is not just a platitude.
Why? Because when we’re leaning into a lovely dream and taking action on it…
Our dreams are life-giving (both to us & those around us).
Our dreams open up totally new possibilities.
Our dreams push us out of our comfort zone & help us grow.
Our dreams spark our creativity.
Our dreams bring us more to life in every aspect of our lives.
Our dreams open us up to serendipity and mind-blowing synchronicity.
Our dreams, even if we’re only working on them for 15 minutes a day, breathe more meaning and hope into our lives.
Our dreams help us get deeply aligned to what matters most in our lives and help us hear our intuition more clearly.
I could go on and on and on and on. The benefits of believing “my dreams matter” far outweigh the costs.
When Life Seems Unsupportive of Our Dreams
But what about when life is just absolutely seeming to not go our way. Maybe our dreams mattered in the past, but they don’t seem to matter right now?
Part of what’s held me back from writing to you is that my day job has taken a real harsh turn. I’m not comfortable being completely outspoken about this publicly, since I also really appreciate my job and the income it provides for my family. But I will say that the way it’s all twisted and turned over the past 6 weeks have been pretty heart-wrenching and it seems like life is asking a LOT of me right now.
To say it simply: this was not what I had planned.
And as the adage goes:
Life happens when you’re making other plans.
(Damn it.)
So I’ve been shaking my fist at the Universe, asking if it even gives a damn...
Even though…
Yes, I have a lot to be grateful for.
Yes, there are so many good things in my life right now also.
Yes, there are sooo many people actually suffering and struggling with really serious and awful things right now.
And, yes, this current experience is really pushing me in uncomfortable ways.
And so far, it’s been VERY MESSY to figure out how to balance continuing to nurture my dreams alongside surviving life’s tilt-a-whirl right now…
To the point of wondering, “why bother?”
And being tempted to just buckle up and ride the ride and quit trying to do anything more than survive my daily life.
But THIS is What I Freaking Mean
When my mind is stuck here in survival mode and apathy, I don’t have any room to think about my neighbor or making the world better.
My own inner survival mode will exhaust and drain my energy to the point of there being nothing left for anyone.
The Philosophical Dilemma Around Dreams
In Christianity there’s beliefs about a loving God who cares about us and wants to bless us. There’s hope that everything happening in our lives is happening ultimately somehow for our good. And, there’s pretty strong beliefs that even if your dreams aren’t realized here on Earth, they will likely be in heaven (if you’re good).
Even Stoicism, which can be one of the most blunt and no-nonsense philosophies to deal with our lives, has at it’s heart a belief in a “benevolent universe.” Now, it might not be a personally benevolent “wish granting” universe, but there’s a trust that everything that happens is at least happening for some greater good.
Personally, I’m pretty skeptical. I have a hard time believing in a God or Universe operating so similarly to the concept of Santa Claus, giving gifts to the “good boys and girls” and screwing everyone else over to try to get them to be better.
I also don’t see a lot of evidence that the “good people” really “win” in life from their goodness, consistently being given what they really want.
In fact, I see far more evidence of “good people” settling for whatever is showing up in their lives and calling it “what’s best for them.” I see too many “good people” minimizing and outright ignoring their dreams, instead letting life have it’s way with them. I see too many “good people” struggling with depression, anxiety, and overwhelm, while counting their blessings and writing in their gratitude journals.
And then I see “bad people” driving their employees to exhaustion for more and more profit, telling people whatever they want want to hear so they can win elections, bully their peers so they can take away people’s rights, and generally make life harder on everyone else while getting more and more wealthy themselves… all with (what seems like) very little consequences.
Why do so many CEO’s have narcissistic tendencies?
How has corruption gone on this long in our governments? Why is it still going on?
How & why do billionaires even exist?!
It’s Time to Wake Up, Dreamers
Here’s the thing: when I dare to dream and take action on that dream, pragmatically things do get better, even if only in small ways (see the “Why Our Dreams Matter” list ⬆ above again for a refresher on why).
And even if it’s only in small ways initially, as I keep taking action on my dream, those small ways snowball into bigger and bigger ways with more and more positive influence.
I love pragmatism, btw. Pragmatism is the philosophical angle of, “yeah, but what actually works?” It asks questions like, “if everyone in the world believed this, would the world be a better place?
In this sense, I submit to you that: YES, the world would be better if everyone believed their dreams matter. And the world would be a better place if we all believed our own and each other’s dreams matter.
Maybe that billionaire is chasing all that money to try to feel safe?
Maybe that corrupt politician is trying to feel powerful after a life of feeling powerless?
Maybe the people who are really making big messes with our world don’t actually believe that their deep real dream matters either?
Maybe taking over the world and being assholes is their way of coping with the disappointment of feeling like they can’t actually do what they really want in life either?
Like, what if some of those billionaires are still sad they couldn’t take those dance lessons or art classes they wanted when they were a kid and were being pushed to do more “manly” things?
Or maybe they’re still hurting that Sandra turned them down when they were just a nerd and a bit of a nobody, which made them feel like no one could ever love them as they were?
And so…
Maybe that wonderful idea in your head is exactly what the world needs?
Maybe you showing up for yourself and your dream is part of breathing more life, love, joy, and hope into a dark world?
BUT (and this is really an important but)…
Maybe “dreams” are not things that are just “granted” to some lucky or “good” few, but not to others.
Maybe DREAMS are the sparks that set positive change in motion…
Because maybe us actually believing in and consistently showing up for those dreams is what brings them (and us, and our families, and our communities) to life.
Our World Needs Bigger Dreams & More Dreamers
It’s so easy to get frustrated with the world and upset with “the way things are,” especially when those “things” seem like they are against you. We complain and despair and feel powerless in the face of the “odds against us.”
However, what if things “are the way they are” largely because we haven’t dared to dream bigger and show up for those dreams (even when it’s hard)?
For example, would school segregation in the American South still be alive and well today if Martin Luther King, Jr hadn’t gathered people (who all came at great risk to their and their family’s safety) and rallied them around his dream? “I have a dream… that one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.”
“But, his dream didn’t solve everything, Quinn. Racism and systemic oppression still exist,” you say.
Yup. You’re right.
His dream was BEAUTIFUL. Valid. Needed. Vital.
Deeply GOOD.
But, here again, what if his big dream still isn’t fully realized because more people didn’t unite their dream with his and keep fighting?
What if it’s because more people (white and black) went back to their jobs, their families, and to just surviving their everyday lives?
Our Inner Stories & Survival Mode Kill More Dreams than Circumstances Ever Do
As someone who has experienced the privilege of being born in white middle class America to financially stable parents, I’ve felt like I’m “surviving” life frequently.
(And, yes, I am a bit embarrassed to say that out loud.)
At the end of a work day, I don’t feel I have energy to spare for solving the world’s problems (even if I do care).
I barely have energy to try to help solve my family’s very first-world “problems” of what to cook, how to get laundry done, and trying to make sure the dog got fed.
My family’s basic needs and even many of our “wants” are met.
And yet, life still can feel freaking hard.
There are definitely seasons of life where we need to just buckle up, hang on, and survive.
But I also have seen far too often (especially for those of us with basic needs met) that we stay in survival mode consistently… even when we find true love, make more money, lose 30 pounds, or “solve” whatever other problem we think is going to make it so we can finally live a life we love.
My concern is that
OUR INTERNAL STORIES about why we can’t &
OUR INNER SURVIVAL MODE are the bigger problem
(not our external circumstances).
Want to Change the World?
Start with Your Own Dream Today
So if you’re sitting in the middle of what feels like a hot mess (like me) today, hopefully this anthem will help you (like it’s helping me) to remember why we dream and why we take action on our dreams.
We have to put this life-giving “oxygen mask” on ourself before we can try to help those around us.
Believing that your dream matters is the first step.
Taking consistent, small action is the next.
The fastest way to get out of inner survival mode and to find peace, joy, and a fresh infusion of life and energy is to take your sweet dreams seriously and take action on them.
And we don’t do this to try to be “given” our dream (like having a wish granted) because we are being a good little girl that’s doing the “right” thing.
We do it because time spent on your dreams each day is like taking your vitamins and getting enough sleep. It’s restorative and revitalizing. It’s deeply GOOD FOR YOU.
In that sense, just having your dream “gifted” to you would actually rob you of the full benefits of slowly, consistently bringing the dream to life.
So what are you dreaming of, friend?
How do you want to make life better?
What feels fun, exciting, energizing, or magical?
How can you take action towards that dream this week?
It’s worth it. It matters. You matter. Keep going.
Cheering you on wholeheartedly,
xoxo Quinn
p.s. If you think your dream is too big, too scary, or too crazy to pursue, watch the incredible film “Rule Breakers” about the true story of Afganistan’s first all-girls robotics team that overcame INTENSE oppression and made some serious positive waves in the tech world. These brave, badass women (and their families) faced actual terrorists with guns, bombs, and jails on their side to just even be able to use computers, for Pete’s sake. AND THEY DID IT. These women dared to dream of a better life for girls and women in their country (even though every single odd was against them). And certainly if they can do it, you can, too!
p.p.s. If you want to see how I’m walking this talk in my own small way, check out my weekly Artist Vlogs on YouTube.
